What about your own experiences when something wonderful has happened to you?

Do you take the time to bask in the joy of it? Does it seem as though you can't find satisfaction in your life? Can you let your child bask in enjoyment-yours included?

Perhaps what is missing is the ability to savor. Savoring is the awareness of pleasure and of paying deliberate conscious attention to that experience of pleasure. You can savor positive experiences before (anticipation), during (while they are happening) and after they happen (reminiscence).

Dr. Fred Bryant, Professor of Social Psychology and Joseph Veroff at Loyola University in Chicago, Illinois have researched extensively thoughts and behaviors aimed at influencing the frequency, intensity and duration of positive experiences. Their research has helped understanding of people's perceptions of their capacity to derive satisfaction, fulfillment and meaning in life.

Savoring positive experiences is a separate process from coping, or how a person responds to stress or adversity. It has great importance in sharing positive human relationships. Gazing at a loved one's face can be such a moment of savoring. Thinking of the impending arrival of your loved one, sharing the joy when he/she comes into view can last into later memories of reminiscence.

Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, the leading spokesman for Positive Psychology, has studied the work of Bryant and Veroff. In Seligman's book "Authentic Happiness" he lists their five techniques that promote savoring: "Sharing with others. You can seek out others to share the experience and tell others how much you value the moment. This is the single strongest predictor of level of pleasure. Memory-building. Take mental photographs or even a physical souvenir of the event, and reminisce about it later with others. Self-congratulation. Don't be afraid of pride. Tell yourself how impressed others are, and remember how long you've waited for this to happen. Sharpening perceptions. Focus on certain elements and block out others. Absorption. Let yourself get totally immersed and try not to think, just sense."

To Dr. Seligman these techniques all support the four kinds of savoring; basking (receiving praise and congratulations), thanksgiving (expressing gratitude for blessings), marveling (losing the self in the wonder of the moment) and luxuriating (indulging the senses).

Knowing this can help increase happiness in important relationships when you look in terms of how you can add savoring to your life and the lives of others.

On a personal note, I first learned savoring experiences from my mother and father. Although I deeply enjoyed many of those experiences I didn't have a label for them.

It was unfortunate that my father suffered a stroke in his last years and it took away some of his ability to reminisce. However his love for my mother prevailed and he savored his last moments by gazing on her face.

When my mother suffered from an aortic aneurism, several months later, I went to care for her. The word I received from the hospital caregivers was that she was very near death. The family knew she would be better off at home so I took her there and cared for her until she died a little more than two months later. We shared her grief for the loss of my father, her husband, and then she gave me a marvelous gift which I have come to know from the research of the positive psychologists, coaches and teachers as savoring. She was showing me special joys she had loved in her life. They were her favorite things like a certain food, a particular nightgown, certain music, special photographs, appreciation of caring people calling her, her favorite perfume and her favorite color. She couldn't talk but this was her way of saying good-bye-"Thanks for being here. I'm leaving soon, you will be all right".

When you visit the sick, think of something to take to them that they can savor. You might enjoy the savored moments together and afterward. A special picture to look at in the hospital can offer good savoring moments in addition to those of enjoying each other. Long-time friends and relatives can enjoy sharing memories, past moments of savoring that can be enjoyed again by reminiscing. Favorite foods, if okay with the staff, can brighten the day with a savoring experience.

When you receive praise and/ or a complement savor the moment! That's something special meant just for you to enjoy! Bask in the pleasure. Others may share your triumph but it is yours!

You can praise your child for something well done and enjoy savoring together. Smile at each other and enjoy each others faces. Greeting your child is a wonderful time to savor the enjoyment of seeing each other again. Your child will long remember the warmth and good feeling that comes with "You look happy to see me".

What prevents really good savoring moments? Kill-joy was here! Any thoughts that suggest you should not have savoring moments should be disputed and immediately banished. It is okay to savor and it is healthy for you to do so.

In too big a hurry to smile at the security guard, wave at the janitor, show your appreciation to colleagues, thank a benefactor, hug your loved ones? Why? Those are all moments of sharing that can be savored and add such joy to your life and to the lives of others.

One time my dad, who loved taking pictures, saw President Ronald Reagan accompanied by secret service people, walking toward where he was standing. He prepared to take a picture of him as he passed. Just as dad pressed the button, President Reagan turned and the flash went off right in his eyes. Dad's mortified "Oh, I am so sorry" reached President Reagan's ears. As he removed his hands from his eyes he smiled at my dad and said: "It's all right. I am all right". That moment of forgiveness plus the picture were savored often by my family.

Express your gratitude! It's wonderful to savor your blessings! Those moments are yours. Look for the blessing even in adversity and when you find it share the gratitude.

Once I was on the way to Hall of Lawn Bowling Fame glory. That "Dang I'm good" feeling was really uplifting. Then one morning I awoke unable to move my right arm, shoulder or fingers and could not turn my head. Alone, I kept trying a little movement at a time and eventually was able to get myself to my doctor. After he saw my x-rays he told me never to lawn-bowl again. Still the pain didn't go away and it lasted for three years.

I never knew when something I was holding would go flying across the room so began to limit social situations. When it was so bad I could not lift a coffee cup, my new doctor referred me to an orthopedic specialist. Within two months all the pain was gone. After a whole pain-free month I made an appointment with the specialist just to show him my ew found movement and my gratitude. After an hour in the waiting room it was my turn. While waving my arm with pain-free movement I told him I just wanted to thank him that I actually again could feel so good. We savored the moment together in gratitude. The loss of pain was wonderful and so was his smile.

Good savoring doesn't hurt anyone. Try it. Anticipate the first bite of that delicious favorite food or that sound of music you love to hear. Block out all other sounds, movements and thoughts as you eat or listen. Savor the moment for as long as it is enjoyable. Then move on and keep the memory for later reminiscence. It can be a thoroughly enjoyable positive experience.

When I am leading groups about increasing happiness in their lives, I include savoring experiences, and participants find them Life Lifting. "Authentic Happiness", Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD, Pages 107-111,Free Press, 2002. Rita Thompson Copyright 2005 All rights reserved rita@lifeliftcoach.com www.lifeliftcoach.com

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Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved.